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Life is one fool thing after another
Whereas love is two fool things after each other.
Sex. 
20th-Aug-2006 10:04 pm
"Wait. I see. You imagine that I have never known intimacy of that sort. That I have been 'saving myself' for you." He gave a contemptuous snort. "Don't flatter yourself, FitzChivalry. I doubt you would have been worth the wait."
--Golden Fool,
405.

The question is simple: If not Fitz, who?
(note: this poll, like most of my posts, is not meant to be taken seriously.)


Poll #800589 Fool's First?

And the luckiest person in the history of time is... [NOTE: these are not listed in order of probability or crackiness.]

Jek.
4(13.3%)
The Flower-Girl.
9(30.0%)
King Shrewd.
5(16.7%)
The Pale Lady or one of her cohorts.
5(16.7%)
Galen.
0(0.0%)
Delo Trell.
0(0.0%)
Paragon. (hehe. wood.)
0(0.0%)
Sooty.
0(0.0%)
Regal.
1(3.3%)
Black Rolf.
2(6.7%)
Reyn.
0(0.0%)
Smithy.
0(0.0%)
Tintaglia.
1(3.3%)
Lacey or Patience. (or both. at the same time. HAWT.)
1(3.3%)
Hands, Burrich, Cob, Verity, or August.
2(6.7%)

If the Fool isn't a virgin, then someone knows his gender for sure.

True.
9(30.0%)
False.
4(13.3%)
I don't think *he* knows his own gender.
17(56.7%)

Or... was he lying?

Yeah.
15(46.9%)
Nope.
1(3.1%)
Uh... maybe?
6(18.8%)
HAWT.
10(31.2%)


xposted.

[end transmission]
Comments 
21st-Aug-2006 05:45 am (UTC)
Nah...it would have meant taking off his clothes!
21st-Aug-2006 05:48 am (UTC)
I'm sure he could have arranged a sheet or something. "Okay... put it in... but I'm not telling you which hole it is!"
21st-Aug-2006 06:22 am (UTC)
Oh my god. The internets? Is yours. XD
21st-Aug-2006 07:24 am (UTC)
Chortlechortlechortle!

Now you're just being silly! ;-)
21st-Aug-2006 06:28 am (UTC)
Listen, Fitz has actually gone INTO the Fool's body, and I don't mean that sexually but that literally INTO, as in past tissue and muscules and tendons and into his blood--rowr, his blood sings with lust! ahem--when he fixed his body after the Fool's tragic and ice-frosted death in Fool's Fate. He should, by now, know what gender the Fool is, but the only allusion Hobb makes to the subject is when he says that "his body was only passingly similiar to that of a normal man's; calling him a human would have been like calling me a wolf". Not an exact quote, but it's the literal meaning. Anyway, I think either the Fool has some sort of... alien gentalia... or he's male, which is what Fitz expected.
Also, even though I voted Flower Girl, I don't think he did it with anyone (and some of the choices were discombobulating--Smithy? Girl, what have you been smoking? XD), though the options definitely tickled my inner fanfic-writer. King Shrewd and Regal and Jek... all right, stopping now, stopping.
21st-Aug-2006 07:27 am (UTC)
I felt that to be Hobbs way of saying nyah, nyah, nyah I'm not going to tell you! I figured he was so wierd that Fitz had nothing to compare him too. Or that could just be me...

I had a really bad feeling about Regal...
21st-Aug-2006 07:36 am (UTC)
Oh BTW, are you still OK to meet up tommorrow?
21st-Aug-2006 09:03 am (UTC)
Absolutely. ♥
21st-Aug-2006 07:45 am (UTC)
I'm so sure he was lying to Fitz. He HAD been saving himself for him.. Those are exactly the kind of things one would say when really hurted & feeling "stupid" about his own hopes & wishes..
21st-Aug-2006 07:57 am (UTC)
Yep. That makes sense to me.
21st-Aug-2006 09:02 am (UTC)
Agreed. ;)
21st-Aug-2006 02:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I agree as well.
But I still did the poll because it's fun to speculate!
:D
21st-Aug-2006 09:23 am (UTC)
BEST POLL EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!1

;P

Seriously though, nice one! And although it so completely grosses me out, I'm voting for Shrewd. Well, we know there certainly was love there afterall. Just what sought of love is the (rather squicky) question.

Else it was totally Regal, in the closet, with the handcuffs.
21st-Aug-2006 02:04 pm (UTC)
Else it was totally Regal, in the closet, with the handcuffs.

O fanfiction, where are you when we need you.
(I expect handcuffs would not stop the Fool. He'd use his swiss army knife genetalia to disarm them.
REGAL: *takes down Fool's pants*
FOOL: *flamethrower*)
23rd-Aug-2006 12:24 am (UTC)
LMFAO, funniest mental image ever :D
23rd-Aug-2006 10:21 am (UTC)
Haha so true XD if only Hobb would let us, I'm sure that would've been written already.

Bwhahaha. Now that version would make some excellent crack-fic! ^_^
28th-Aug-2006 03:16 am (UTC)
Are you serious, flusterdance?

*Looks thoughtful*
21st-Aug-2006 09:29 pm (UTC)
Yeah, like kuukiventomu, I too think that he was just saying it to hurt Fitz. I think it's even hinted in the chapter... now, let me find that quote...
"As only friends can do, we had found each other's most tender spots to wound."
The only problem is... does the Fool ever lie? We know that Fitz lies, and he lied to Starling in similar manner, but I can't remember the Fool ever telling actual lies. He twists words, of course, and dodges questions... so umm. I don't know what to think. I find it hard to believe that he would have had someone close and dear enough in his life (I won't believe he would have sex just for having sex, he needs a spiritual/emotional connection there as well), but then again he has lived for quite a long time, and we know only about a few decades of his life.
21st-Aug-2006 10:37 pm (UTC)
Personally, during that particular converation I figure that the Fool's so ill that all bets are off. Normally, I don't think he would but in this case? I certainly wouldn't wager.
22nd-Aug-2006 07:51 am (UTC)
hmmm...I'm noticing that he didn't actually say he had slept with someone else - just that Fitz imagine's he hasn't and that he wouldn't be worth the wait...what was that nerwende was saying about him twisting words:)

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